If you like Killswitch Engage...

Then I believe that you should check out their new website: www.killswitchengage.com
Their new album drops next week but in the meantime Adam and Howard have put together a track by track video description of the album to entice you to buy. There is a video for every song. The video is of Howard and Adam loosely singing the songs complete with air guitar. So nice. I must say that the more tracks that I watched, the more annoying it became. It was a good idea..

License Plate States More than the Obvious

Last night I was on my way to the store when the license plate frame in front of me caught my eye. I was extremely interested to see the driver of this mysterious Honda Accord with such a statement on the back of their car. I changed lanes and sped up to catch a glimpse of an older woman driving the vehicle and bobbing her head. I knew what she was listening to... I have tried to recreate her plate fame to share with you.

ADDICTED TO 1 “DEF LEPPARD”

My teeth, only creepier

So, I recently went to the dentist after a long absence. I explained this to my new dentist and he was cool. Cool? He didn't scold me at all. Not even a remotely harsh word about my questionable flossing habits- although I think 3 times a week is a pretty strong showing compared to the average mouth hygene roll call. He was so laid back about the whole thing that I started to become concerned. My old dentist would launch into a huge diatribe about soda, coffee, tea, my laziness, etc. This new guy is like "whatever dude." Ok, whatever yourself. But I am happy to report that he did not find any cavities- thankfully. I also opted for the teeth whitening system where they made molds of my mouth and then they became trays for me to use at home. The stuff that they used as the "plaster" tasted awful and the hygenist told me to tell her when I was ready to vomit- "oh yeah, it happens a lot" was her answer about puking once I could speak freely again. It took three days to get the trays back and they even threw in the mold if I wanted to keep it- which I did. Please see photo to enjoy my tooth mold.
Also, please remember that the plaster stuff was shoved into my mouth willy nilly so it appears as though my mouth is on an angle but it is just the way that the mold was created. Thanks.

Modest Proposal Presents the Crackpot Comedy tour 11/18

Now that really is scary!

My pumpkin went from oooh to eeewww in about 2.2 days. I guess that they aren't cut out for the AZ heat!

Halloweenie!!!!

My insanely scary pumpkin by night and day!

The Girly Show 2

Come to the show! The first one was amazing and this sequel promises to be even better than before! Plus there will be cheap drinks and hot babes dressed up in girly costumes!

Check out the MP site for more fun shows and pick up an issue of the magazine, too!

www.mpempire.com

My train journey circa 1886? No, 2006!

So, I am crazy. I hate flying, I detest the airport and I hate that I cannot bring my own liquids there. I have decided that this year my journey home will be by train. Thanks Amtrak! It will take me two delightful days of train travel to reach Philly from Flagstaff. And, in my mind, it is totally worth it. Seriously- this is such a relief. I will be seeing the country as though it were another era. I will have time to myself and I get to watch the other weirdos to boot. Not all folks on the train are odd, just most of them. My stops: Flag to Chicago, Chicago to Philadelphia then the questionable choice of Springfield, Mass to Albany Rensselear, NY to Chicago and then on to AZ. Plus I have to drive from PHX to FLG to catch the train in the first place. The things that I talk myself into in the name of adventure. And not flying.

Get Crazy this Saturday

And come on down to the Paper Heart Gallery in Phoenix!!! Check out the return of Ron and Ryan.. and grab a copy of Modest Proposal Magazine while you are there. I know you're gonna like it!!

The Cost of War

Tool Show!

So, this is the show not to miss this fall. Tickets are on sale this Saturday morning. If you haven't seen these guys before then you must try to catch this concert. It is an experience.

http://www.ticketmaster.com/artist/720703

On a happier note... Neil Hamburger!

Will be joing us in AZ on 8/19/06! http://www.americasfunnyman.com/whats_new.html
You can check this link for his other tour dates and I can assure you that his show will stun and amaze you. Come on, he is America's Funnyman and, dare I say, one of my very favorite comics.

This picture could be anyone..

Or one of those killers. They don't know what the other guy looks like but no need to worry. I say again, eek

EEK! From my door today...

Two serial killers in one neighborhood... downer

Come to the show! 6/17/06

It is going to be a laugh riot. Bring your friends. Have some fun. Let's get drunk.

Getting Ready for the Prom

Yes it is I before the prom, pre-hair-do of course. And yes, that is a Neil Hamburger poster in the background.

Lost Season Finale- A Total Sham?

Everything was going so well until the last minute of the two hour special. Then they have to show me people off of the island? What the hell? It didn't have anything to do with anything except piss me off. Seriously.

Lost Season Finale Tonight!

My favorite show is coming to an end this evening. I love this show- Lost is the best thing on TV and I am totally bummed that it is over. I know that the next season probably won't be until next summer if the producers stick to their current scheduling tendencies. Anyway, you know where I'll be tonight.

My fucking neighbor's fucking dogs

Are you so enthusiastic about something that you stay up super late at night- or wake up extremely early in the morning - just so you can do more of it? Well, my neighbor's dogs certainly feel that passion for barking. They love to bark constantly, as though their very lives depend on it. Not only do they love it- but their owners must love it as well because no one ever seems to tell them to stop barking. I have come up with a few possible explanations for this: 1) Perhaps the neighbors are making a "best of" howls and yelps CD, 2) The neighbors are assholes, 3) The pets are neglected and calling out for help, 4) They are actually breeding werewolves downstairs from me and I am in mortal danger, 5) Dogs just bark all of the time and I don't know this because I am a cat owner. There are many reasons why these dogs continue to shout out to the world.. but I am fed up. I seem to recall an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine kidnaps a neighboring dog and releases it into the countryside only for it to find its way back to its home. This plan had crossed my mind (except for it finding its way back) to end my sleepless nights of cursing dogs but now I have another idea... And that is to complain. To everyone. I am creating some flyers for the people's doors and for my whole neighborhood. I am hoping to shame them into paying attention to those dogs. I'll let you know how it goes.

<-Where the dogs will end up if dognapped

It's almost that time again!

Isn't this too cute?! I could puke with joy. We call it the Earster bunny because her name is Ears. Adorable

One more Saturday night- but this time it's hilarious!

Wait- didn't I promise you that before? Well, I doubly promise you now because it is true! Damn true. Come to the show and laugh yourself silly! I dare you! Nervous about laughing at humor involving the J-man? Don't worry again because you can pass the buck - it stops nowhere these days. Let's do this.

Sadly, UCONN bit the dust

Today UConn was knocked out of the tournament by George Mason U. I was bummed for the huskies and even more bummed that I can't witness any more outrageous antics by their coach, Jim Calhoun. The many moods of Calhoun are really a sight to behold. Until next year, Jonathan.

Nice work Uconn, thanks for almost giving me a heart attack

Why the hell do they always wait until the last second to win the game?

Dirt like Dirt

I must say that this episode of aqua teens has inspired me. But just as it has inspired me - it has also enraged me. This is because the new "season" only had three episodes - and two of them were absolute garbage. This filth was not fun nor was it funny. I am so pissed and I check tivo every Sunday for a glimpse of a new aqua teen episodes and they have not arrived. Ugh!

This coming Saturday

You guessed it! It is another hilarious Modest Proposal show.. Come on down!

Ren Fest '06 Part I

It started here...










And then went here...








Oh yeah

Check out these beautiful flowers that I got

They are still blooming now AND they smell as though the whole florist shop moved in.

Plantains and mexican candy make me feel festive!

Let's do this thing!

Saturday Night at the Paper Heart

This show is going to be great! Come by and check it out!!

"Can you handle it?"

"Deliciously"

Hold the Phone!

When I came into work on Friday, an enthusiastic co-worker handed me this copied article from the AZ Republic. It was all over the office- it's bigger news than the staph infection outbreak. Sounds good to me.

Highschool Part II

This is me circa 1997.

The worst thing that I have ever eaten

This unassuming soup almost unraveled my mind when I tasted it and found out what it was at exactly the same time..

From cooks.com:


Menudo Soup.. yes, like the band!

3 pounds tripe
3 pounds nitamal (hominy) frozen, not canned
3 pounds pigs feet (not calves) cut into quarters
1 large onion
1 bunch green onions, cut into 1/4" pieces
1 bunch of cilantro chopped
2 tablespoons oregano
1 tablespoons black pepper
1 tablespoon red pepper flakes
1 head garlic
2 tablespoons salt

Comedy! It is alive!

Come check out the show next weekend!

Attack!